My greatest fear is holding back.
The holding back of any expression possibly lost due to fear and the lack of courage to overcome it. The thought of not fulfilling my heart’s passions and letting them drown unrealized in the deepest part of me is frightening. I have always been a bold person, done what I wanted despite what might stand in my way. But there is more to it – another level. I recall the conscious moment I decided I would start living for me – creating out of nothing, the vision I had for myself. It would be (it is) the most work I have ever done. It is also the most satisfying, the most pure and the most terrifying.
When you are standing on a street waiting to cross and there are no cars coming, do you wait for the light to change or do you just go ahead? People give me confused looks everyday as I brisk past them on a red – checking, naturally, to see if my path is clear. It seems to shake them from one of two places – complacency or formula. Either they are not paying attention to their surroundings, lacking awareness in their life or they are following a set of rules someone else made for them.
I dwell in a place of asking forgiveness rather than permission. I have little time on my journey to follow guidelines set out for me in society on how I am supposed to act, how I am supposed to dress, what my occupation is supposed to be. Last time I checked in with the universe my understanding was – it’s up to you to create and choose your path in every moment. You are the master of your mind and heart. Even if you feel stuck, helpless, or confused, you have options. You always have choices.
This ability all stems from a deep trust in yourself, a deep love for yourself and a deep sense of worthiness that you deserve all of what you are creating. The universe then conspires in your favour to make it happen. These manifestations don’t happen overnight, they are not on a checklist, they are a daily practice for the duration of your life. Being awesome is a full time job. It’s time to get paid.
I don’t do well with limitations. I have an innate sense of entitlement for the potential of greatness. When one follows their own dreams and creates the world they want, things start lining up. With every little success, with every step of bravery, this trust grows deeper and allows you to go even further. It can be a scary transition, this living your own path. We are so accustomed to finding individuality in someone else’s vision that we forget we have the power to create that vision ourselves.
Things will come up along the way. Things that try to hold you back. If you listen carefully, it’s usually you. Your inner voice can be the greatest thing keeping you from reaching your potential. Little phrases like “who am I to do this”, or “I’m not actually that good at it”. This list could go on forever. It is often connected to the past and experiences that we tie to the present. We recount our past traumas or failures and tie them to who we are today.
Newsflash, sass-bomb, that doesn’t exist anymore. The only thing that does is this moment and what you are choosing to do with it in the present. I invite you to let go, to make space and see what happens. I invite you to softly surrender to the divinity that is inside you, to your own worthiness. What can you create when you let go of what’s not serving you?
I am a practitioner of being honest and vulnerable. I use what has happened in the past as a reflection to connect to myself and with others. With friends, lovers, my audience. Bringing to light my faults and insecurities takes their power away. My learnings around this is that we all have them, and when another person says “me too”, it connects us. It gives us strength to go back to that place of self-assurance. To rise above and create.
In this time of the calendar changing we go to a place of the “clean slate” or “resolutions”. I don’t make resolutions, I set goals, I update my vision. I don’t believe in a clean slate. My experiences make me what I am today. Experiences are valuable, good and bad ones, it’s how we learn and shape our decisions. They say goals are a road map for your dreams. Writing down what you want and when you are going to have it is powerful. Words are symbols carrying strategically placed meaning for manifestation.
What are you creating for yourself this year, and beyond? What are you going to move out of the way on your own path to greatness?
Being a full time artist, business owner and carefree spirit, money has always been an issue for me. I don’t need millions, but enough to take the low level stress of need away from daily life. My manifestation for 2013 is allowing money to come into my life. I have seen visions on how and what that will look like, and how much work I am prepared to do to ensure it happens. I will share my mantra with you, partly derived from an affirmation Legs Malone offered in her abundance class. It’s quite a simple one - I am a wild success.